cause I always sit next to someone breast feeding or eating a hot dog.
POST FROM Wednesday, June 23, 2004
Exams and Agony
Hand to hand there they go. I'm giving my second exam for a finance class today and I can't put my head straight for a single minute.
Experience at giving exams can be good sometimes, at least for me, but my nerves my freaking nerves have filled my guts with stress and anxiety lately. The reason I think is the reason I just mentioned, I can't put my head straight, I'm constantly thinking in something else, worrying in about what I have to do next, and next, and next.
The phrase "live for the moment" is such a bitch. What if what you care about is not the future but your current present taking you so much time and neglecting things that are meant to be done now, that are being judged as we speak.
Why can't we just forget to auto judge our acts? My head goes, if I do A I will do B wrong and if I do B, I'll make a crap out of A.
Is it lack of time? Is it a problem of focusing? Tell me, do i need a new focus?
The thing is that A and B are now part of the equation, and no I don't got kids.. i think, no wait that's impossible. But it doesn't matter, lets just pretend that my life focuses are my kids, cause let's face it the older one can be such a bummer sometimes.
Anyhow, it's my responsibility to take care of my kids, cause I'm a single mom and they need me. They both need my time and I can't discriminate and spare more with the one that everyone thinks it's going to be a football player cause he needs to go to practices and all, and leave the little one alone to take care of herself (yes she is a girl, totally unexpected also)
Who said priorities do stay in number one place all the time? maybe that was something I had to learn while growing up as an adult. I still have those priorities but I just have to learn to mix them with new ones.
But people, the tittle says Exams and Agony, see I ramble and ramble and hopefully I've proved my point, my head flys away to this planning land and I forget all about my exam.
As I said, anxiaty of the future that's becomming my new present is killing me while I strugle with my kids. The bastards..boy how I love them.
8/13/05 - It's probably not a great idea not to go to your medical appoitment when you get the best job they could have probably offered you, just because you want to mantein that perfect record of never taking a blood test.
